Bruna's Journey: Embracing Womanhood Through Art and Transition
Meeting Bruna: A Tattoo Artist's Transformation
In 2023, I encountered Bruna for the first time in a bustling tattoo studio in South Delhi. With a friendly smile, she introduced herself as 'Bruna Free Spirit'. I was there for my tattoo, and soon she became my preferred tattoo artist, as well as a favorite among my friends. Our initial meeting was not as a journalist but as a client, and during our design discussions, our conversations often extended beyond the tattooing process. Bruna would ask me intriguing questions, such as, "How do you pose to highlight your curves?" and "Do you ever throw tantrums with your partner?" She even offered to lend me a cute top, and we quickly formed a friendship.
Bruna, now 30, resides in Vasant Kunj, and her journey has been both a medical and deeply personal transformation. This change has not only altered her physical appearance but also her relationships, artistic expression, and self-identity. “I’ve been on hormones for two years,” she shares. “Honestly, I would describe this journey as quite enjoyable.” However, her story began long before that.
A Childhood Filled with Longing
A Childhood Of Longing
Reflecting on her childhood, Bruna recalls, “There were many moments that stood out. As a child, I didn’t recognize my gender dysphoria, but I often wished to be a girl.” Her earliest memories are filled with admiration for the way her teachers wore sarees and how her mother’s jhumkas swayed with each step. “I would think, I wish I could wear those,” she reminisces.
She clarifies that her attraction was not sexual but rather aspirational; she yearned to experience femininity. “I was drawn to everything associated with women—clothes, fragrances—not in a sexual manner, but more like: I want to wear those too.” As puberty approached, the gap between her internal identity and her physical form widened. “When body hair began to appear, I disliked it,” she admits. “Even as a child, I would shave it off.” She longed for longer hair, but her father’s strictness kept it short. At school, she harbored another quiet wish: “I remember wanting to wear skirts to school,” she says, smiling at the memory. “In fact, I still dream of being a girl and wearing skirts to school.”
The Journey of Transition
The Road To Transition
For a significant part of her adult life, the idea of transitioning felt unattainable. “I never thought I would transition because my parents were very strict,” she explains. However, everything changed when she turned 25. Following her father's passing, she finally felt free to wear the clothes she had always desired. By then, she had also gained financial independence. She began to cross-dress, albeit in private. “I used to drive to Sarojini Nagar, buy dresses, and change in my car. It gave me hope,” she recalls.
“I thought I could live my life in secrecy. I didn’t anticipate taking hormones or transitioning.” Yet, over the next few years, her desire to live authentically grew stronger. Eventually, she confided in her family. Her brother, studying psychology, was immediately supportive, while her mother struggled to comprehend the news. “My mother couldn’t grasp it,” Bruna explains. “I had lived so secretly that she never associated femininity with me.” She likens the shock to imagining a well-known male actor suddenly expressing a desire to become a woman. With time, her mother not only accepted the change but also gave her a new name. “My name is Bruna, but since it’s an English name, she found it hard to pronounce. So she named me ‘Akshi’ after my dead name, Akshay.” This gesture meant the world to her. “I was overjoyed that she accepted me and chose a name for me.”
Hormone Replacement Therapy: A New Chapter
Puberty After 25 - The Rollercoaster Ride of HRT
Starting hormone replacement therapy (HRT) was not an immediate process. Bruna explains that it involved several medical and psychological evaluations. First, she had to consult with a psychologist to receive an official diagnosis of gender dysphoria, which is necessary for hormone prescriptions. This was followed by an appointment with an endocrinologist and numerous medical tests to ensure her body could safely undergo hormone therapy. Doctors assessed everything from blood parameters to liver function. “Only if your reports are satisfactory will you be prescribed HRT,” she clarifies.
The treatment consists of three types of hormones. The first are testosterone blockers, which inhibit the primary male hormone. Next is estrogen, the hormone primarily linked to female biological development. Finally, progesterone aids in breast growth and redistributes fat to areas like the hips, thighs, and chest. The dosage starts low and gradually increases based on the body’s response. “Initially, when you start with testosterone blockers, your skin softens, hair growth halts, and breast development begins,” she explains. “It’s akin to what a 12-year-old girl experiences during puberty, but imagine navigating this at 30.” Her skin became softer, her facial features subtly changed, and her voice softened without surgery. “It’s a magical transformation.”
Emotional and Physical Changes
“As I began HRT, I stopped using wigs, makeup, or filters in my photos. I feel so confident in my body,” she shares. However, the most profound transformation occurred internally. “I wore women’s clothing before, but I didn’t truly understand what it meant to be a woman until I started HRT.” The hormones reshaped her emotional landscape and her relationships. “Previously, my relationships were quite casual,” she notes. “I loved my partner, but I couldn’t engage deeply.” Now, she experiences emotions more intensely. “I have mood swings and can be possessive at times, but it’s magical to love someone.” Even simple gestures hold new significance for her. “Just holding hands, receiving chocolates, or throwing a tantrum and having him care for it all feels natural now.”
Navigating Challenges
The Challenges of a New Body
Bruna acknowledges that while transitioning is joyous, it comes with its own set of challenges. One unexpected change has been her physical strength. “When I started taking testosterone blockers, I noticed a decline in my strength,” she explains. Muscle mass gradually diminished, a common effect of reduced testosterone. “I used to run 7 kilometers effortlessly, but now I feel my strength waning.” She also approaches physical risks differently now. “In the past, I could fall off a bike without a second thought. Now, if I trip on the stairs, I pay attention.” Hormones also introduced mood swings, something she had never experienced or believed in before. “When I was a man, everything felt stable. You wake up energized, then go back to sleep. Now, my emotions fluctuate unpredictably. I can feel very angry for days and then suddenly be okay.” Tears come more easily too. Yet, she doesn’t view these changes negatively; instead, she sees them as part of a new emotional vocabulary. Her partner supports her through these ups and downs.